The Secret Room

Hi, you lovely people.

Sorry for not being more active on word press. I know I should be but it’s really difficult maintaining a balance between work and personal life these days.

Today, I feel happy so I decided to share a secret with you guys. It’s more like a secret place. I don’t like that place but I know that, that place makes my head go through a whirlwind of emotions in a single view.

Here goes nothing…

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There’s a place,

And everyone’s been there.

Some days it’s you and some days it’s me.

We often find ourselves stuck in that cabin, alone.

Wanting to hide,

But those darn mirrors on the walls won’t,

Oh yes, there are mirrors,

A lot of them.

You see yourself surrounded by the thing you dislike,

It’s you.

All you see around yourself is just you.

Multiplied by thousand and it’s just you and your imperfections.

Sometimes you feel happy looking at yourself in that mirror,

Other times, you just want to scream in agony and pain.

You don’t like what you see.

And all you see, you despise.

You despise your holy body for having those imperfections.

You’re there all alone.

Waiting to try something new yet stuck with a very old feeling.

Trying to put on those clothes which won’t fit,

Trying something you know isn’t meant to be.

But you find happiness looking at yourself,

Knowing you won’t actually get it but just for a single moment,

You wonder in deep amazement.

What if?

What if you were as thin as those models,

Wouldn’t you look nice in this dress?

What if you were as tall or short as your friend?

Wouldn’t that make you a beautiful person?

You think that and the next moment the bubble burst.

You start seeing what the truth is.

You see yourself for who you are and not for who you want to be.

It’s the try room that scares the Shit out of me.

Wanting to see myself as someone, I am not.

Looking in the mirror and finding a moment of temporary euphoria.

It scares me.

Yet I keep on going back because there’s my mom waiting outside,

Wanting to know how that stupid outfit would look.

She looks at me when I show up not wearing the new outfit but the shirt I went in with,

She knows. She gets it.

She gets the whole process of it all.

She was once that girl who’d hate herself,

But things changed, times changed.

With time, she learned how to be brave and fierce.

She learnt how to love herself the way she is.

One day, I’ll get there too,

And love myself the way I am.

I am trying even today,

Just a little slower on the journey, but still climbing.

It’s hard but I know I’ll reach there.

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So, that’s it I guess. By the way, I was wondering about the Mahabharata series and, after a lot of thought I decided that I want to do something different for that. So I hope you’ll be getting to see that soon. Thanks for being here. ❤❤❤

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Humanity

Today, I came across a story of how someone lost all of their humanity and killed a harmless animal who was pregnant.

That person put firecrackers in a pineapple and offered it to an elephant. Poor creature didn’t realize that it was a wild animal that goes by the name of human being who was offering her this. She ate it and damaged her jaw. She didn’t let her anger or pain take over her. She gradually resided to the river where she bled out and died in peace.

The human being, the most intelligent species on the planet will lead the way to hell for their misdeeds. They, who think they can call this superiority or a fun activity needs to know that this isn’t fun, this is a crime. A brutal crime against mankind and nature. The people who did this might not know now but they’ll soon know when karma arrives at their doorstep and ring the bell for their misdeeds. That is when they’ll know until the government of this country, this world, the people decides to take an action.

Let those people beware that animals are not the enemy. They are. Those who plan to ruin the balance between the nature and creatures. Those who cannot peacefully co-exist with another happy and loving species. They’re the ones who should be hiding because if they’re caught, they won’t be forgiven for the ‘murder’ they did of a mother and an unborn baby.

The soul of those animals I know will now be in peace. Free of these human atrocities. They’ll rest in heaven.

RIP. _/\_

The agony of it.

These past couple of days, I’ve watching a lot of mythological shows based on the old Hindu traditions.
I couldn’t help but wonder about them day and night.

My mind’s constantly filled with those thoughts and stories which were untold. The characters that didn’t get the right portrayal or the people who couldn’t make it in the storyline.
It’s weird how connected I feel with every single person in those shows with just their mere thought. I’ve been reading a lot about them on the internet and there aren’t just one or two versions to this. There exists over a hundred versions to everything that happened. Every story that was told was maybe the truth or maybe the overtly dramatized version of it.

I can’t seem to see the difference now.
It’s getting more to me now than before. I’ve never been more curious to know anything before but this.
How the whole story happened? Why did it happen when God was himself there? Why wouldn’t he stop the war? Everything is making me want to know more.

The sources are way too many and the people who’ve given their point of views are even more. It’s like trying to read an entire library in a single day.

The questions are a little too much but once you see it and read about it, you realize that there are more characters in the epic than an entire city. And they just kept multiplying. The whose who was the most tricky and amazing part to know though. It’s hard to remember everything but then you realise that it isn’t about remembering everything, it’s about the morals, ethics and the concept of ‘DHARMA’ that it literally portrays.

And for those who still wonder what I saw was the longest-written epic in the world- THE MAHABHARATA.
So forgive me, if my next few posts are all about it. Because what can I say, I am little obsessed.😉

Things that are happening

This quarantine is affecting everyone, not only my family but also yours.

Every country is stuck in a loop of continuous pain and grief and loss.

Yet, somehow I feel as if it’s become important now more than ever to see through this mist towards the other side. I love seeing the birds flying more freely than ever. It’s like watching them be out of their cages after so long, only when humans are stuck in their cages. The wind that rushes by. That impromptu vibe of dopamine that hits your face and the soft rain that touches your cheeks when it falls down. You can actually enjoy that for the first time without worrying about the consequences.

The constant reminder that you are not alone but with your family is another ray of sunshine. Unlike me, people who wake up early can feel the sun soaking through them in the early hours. Things like these are the only way to cope up with all the negativity. Smile all that you can. Because deep down inside we will miss this once it’s over. We will miss the time we spend with our families, with ourselves more and more.

Just know that God knows all. He’ll take care of everyone and everything. Pray. Smile. Love. And live. That’s all you need to do to deal with this.

🌸❤🌸

Dear you,

Is it hard someone asked,
I said yes!
Listening to the person you knew since you were kids hating you,
Wanting you to change into something you know you can’t be.
It is getting harder I say,
Not being able to un-hear those words
Those shape edged sword like words,
When every single one changes my perception of who you were,
How do I not do that?
Do I just stop talking or
Stop listening?
But you know, neither of them can happen.
How do I stop listening what’s being said in front of me?
About me.
It’s not the words that hurt more,
It’s the person they come from.
They created a wall of distance that I
wouldn’t cross and you wouldn’t want to.
See, you and me are not the same,
We’re different people who want different things from life.
And I get that you don’t want me in your personal life but all I’m asking from you is to completely cut me off then.
Stop making me the anchor to your values.
Because I won’t be there forever and it’s killing me
Realizing this every morning,
Now I know, things can’t ever go back the way they used to be but
Here’s something I can do.
I can leave once and for all,
Like I never existed.
And this is how we came together in the first place,
Just a twist of fate.
I get you more than you’d think but I really do,
You have more people as your priority and I don’t count as much,
So to make things easier for both of us,
Let me go and free us both from the shackles of being together
Just for the sake of someone you forgot and I haven’t and won’t ever.
So I guess this is how we say goodbye,
It’ll be a new chapter now.
You do whatever is that you want and the person who matters the most at this moment to you,
Because eventually this is you life and you either make it or break it.
I hope you make it.
That’s it from my side,
Have a great life you.

~~~

Just a random day.

“It’s a new day today. Maybe. Or maybe not. I’m dreaming maybe. I don’t know anymore as what is real and what is not. I lie in my bed, awake. Not wanting to get up, get ready, take a bath or a shower like I used to, not wanting to eat anything and neither do I want to do anything that I enjoyed doing before. Is my mind okay or am I falling down all the time. Am I slipping into the deep end? I don’t know this yet. All I want is to lie dead on my bed and cry my eyes out. Remember all the terrible things that happened or people said to me and cry and cry and cry. ”

This is what my friend told me the other day and I was blank as a paper.

She said that she doesn’t feel like talking anymore than this. And I still looked at her and she looked right back at me as if nothing happened. I was still figuring out what to do or say yet I couldn’t gather the courage to do anything. I didn’t know if me telling her that you were going to be okay was going to help her in any way or not. I just knew that she needed support and help. Not me telling her some euphoric tales but someone who’d stick right beside her no matter what.

I was with her all this while when I couldn’t stop wondering the how part. How can she be not okay?! She was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. She had a humor, a sense of elegence like no-one else and a heart of gold.

The thought that no one is free of the pain stuck my mind and I couldn’t let it go. It as as if it had latched onto my mind and wasn’t ready to let go.

So, the whole point of writing this here was that

There is no point of life.

Life is as cruel to everyone as it is to someone else. Nobody can ever find true happiness. All they can find are the moments of happiness which gives them the hope of going and struggling to get to some another stage in life. It isn’t easy to overcome a difficulty but it isn’t easier to overcome that difficulty alone. It’s the people with you that make this life a little less painful and a little more bearable. Life could be a cakewalk for some if they see it that way but it could be a way full of thorns if you like.

All I believe is that it is the choice of the person to choose which path they choose for themselves.

It’s, after all, the moments we cherish and not the struggle we live for.

If I were her

So I wrote this with a sense of a song and since I’m no good at music, I was wondering if someone or anyone reading this would turn it into one and send me that. It’d be amazing. Hope you like it. Thanks 🙂

Here goes….

If only I were as beautiful as her,

You’d pick me.

You’d hold my hand and

Whisper in my ear

I love you.

If only I were as beautiful as her,

You’d choose me.

You’d take me with you

To the places no-one’s ever been

And tell me that you never want to let go of me.

If only I was as beautiful as her,

You’d love me.

You’d make us a reality

Marry me in the clouds and

Glide with me over the seas.

But if only I were her.

It’ll be the most wonderful thing in the world

And I’ll know that I have found the one,

The one who will be my forever.

Oh my love

Oh to love, my love
Is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
To look you in those ocean eyes and tell you
That it’s not me who’s hold your hand forever.
That it’s not me who’d help you when you’re feeling low or
Not me when you’d need someone to lift you up.
I’ll just be gone.
Like the smoke of the eyes,
In a moment of silence
Nothing of me will remain and
Everything of me will fade away.

Alone..

He left me. He was my best friend and he didn’t care. He never looked back. He just left.

We were the inseparable ones. They told us that he won’t let you go. You are lucky to have someone who won’t let go. But what others didn’t know was the fact that he did. He found someone else and left me. It wasn’t as hurtful then as it is now.

Because it’s not just him I miss,

I miss the memories,

the laughter we shared,

the time we spent,

every second of it now,

seems like the impossible thing to forget.

He never cared enough about anyone,

and I knew that but,

how was I to know that

he never cared enough about me either.

It was all a hoax.

He’s gone now. And I know that I won’t forget him but I’ll try to.

I won’t be alone anymore.

Okay?

So, I don’t know why I want to write at this hour of the time but what I do know is that it feels kind of important to me to share it.

I just watched a film and it wasn’t the first time I watched it. I’ve seen it like five times but everytime it somehow manages to mesmerize me with a different perspective.

I was never hurt by a friend or so I thought until I realized what I felt at that time was hurting!

That wasn’t OKAY!

I needed him to be there for me. But he always treated me like an option, a backup that could be used to drain his emotions but not even bother about a single of mine. I thought the world of him until I started realizing that I was wrong.

YOU CAN NEVER EXPECT SOMEONE TO BE YOURS FOREVER.

Everyone changes and so did he. Today, I write this to feel like I used to. To exist in a place where I don’t need him to be.

TO BE OKAY!